Desert University

So as has been the case for the last couple weeks, I found myself strangely (or not actually) choked up at the end of my church service tonight.  I know it's something you hear a lot (at least if you go to a good church), in fact, it was part of the video package they showed before the service tonight... one of our church staff members talking about how he felt when he first starting attending and how he thought the pastor must've had his living room bugged because it seemed he was speaking directly about him each week.  Well, I have felt the same way and tonight was just another step in an experience that is so much bigger than me.  The "Desert University" experience as our pastor put it in his message tonight.

When we find ourselves lacking in some area of our life, feeling as though we are discontent with everything and we are in the "desert".  However, instead of worrying and focusing on how discontent we are, we should be patient, trusting and grateful during these times.  The times spent in the Desert University, is when God is trying to teach and discipline us.  There is a much larger lesson going on then what we are usually aware of.  When we are feeling furthest from God is when he most likely is paying us the most personal attention.

I personally know exactly what area(s) I have been feeling discontent with in my life recently.  I have used that exact word.  Expressing my lack of contentment, happiness and peace.  I felt confused, frustrated, sad, irritated and sometimes hopeless over the situation.  Like no matter what I did, the situation wasn't changing.  But now I realize what I was in indeed DOING was worrying, questioning and not trusting.  The message tonight reminded us that worrying is to not trust God.  That is exactly what I have been doing.  Worrying, thinking, analyzing and trying so hard to MAKE my situation change.  When instead I should just be present in the moment, peacefully listening for direction and grateful even if my situation is not exactly as I would like it to be.  When I realize that God is working on me bigtime right now, it all makes sense in a way that hours of worrying and overthinking couldn't ever achieve.

The areas I am discontent in are real.  The things I was worried about are really the current state of affairs.  BUT... again to quote our pastor, God will let you go through periods of hunger, but he will never let you starve to death.  There is a reason why God has removed the things he has from my life, there is a reason why there are certain things that are still missing from my life, there is a reason why some of the attempts to change the situations (whether by me or others) have not worked out, there is a reason why I am being "broken down".  It is not abandonment or something to be sad or angry over.  Instead, it is God loving me so much that he will continue to work in my life until I am completely dependent on him, as I should be.  Until I finally stop focusing on a hundred different things in a hundred different directions.  Until I finally stop trying to control things... fix things... worry myself to death... until he finally has my full and undivided attention and I realize...

Oooooohhh.... so THAT'S what all this has been about...

in that case.... THANK YOU GOD.