Do You Hear That?

That's God moving you.

When you stop worrying, stop controlling, stop orchestrating, stop running around trying to "fix" everything.  That's when you hear it.  And feel it.

"Be still and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10

Funny thing is, I honestly didn't think it was possible for me to be still or at least be quiet.  I'm still not too sure about that last part.  ;)  My mind is always going a hundred miles an hour and I'm always try to make sure everything is "under control."  Normally if I lost my job and main source of income, I'd be flipping out.  Applying at every KFC and Taco Bell and trolling Indeed.com into the wee hours of the morning.  BUT this time was different.  This time I knew God was moving me.  It was so obvious... to be literally plucked out of a job completely out of the blue, especially a job that I thought was my "calling," meant that was obviously NOT where I was supposed to be. 

I thought by taking a job at a small newspaper in the middle of nowhere, that I was being obedient and trusting.  Because I was using my God-given talent and I was trusting that the finances would work out even though I was being paid the equivalent of a fry cook at McDonald's.  I even endured the hour and half commute each way, sometimes at midnight, because this was what I was supposed to be doing, right?

The people I worked with were nice, I was getting great responses from my readers and I was getting good experience.  So when I was let go out of the blue, I honestly can say that I didn't even for a second, try to "fix" it.  Which seems really weird actually.  For someone who fixes by their very nature, it's amazing that I never once tried to fix this.  I think I allowed myself maybe two freak-out's in the past month and a half and that was only when I worried about my finances and each time only lasted about five minutes.  Other than that, I just steadily got up each day, sent out some resumes and emails and stayed busy.  But it wasn't like I was working hard to try to stay busy, I was busy.  In fact, I've been busy ever since I lost the newspaper job.  New volunteer opportunities came my way that I am more than excited about and my freelance work took off.  Suddenly, I had several articles in the works for the newspaper (the Observer), a new client to write news articles for, a new blogging client and another client that reappeared from my past... I had written an article on her for the Observer and she had loved the story when it came out.  She reached out to me because she wanted to write a book and said I was the first person she thought of.  After speaking with her on the phone, we signed an agreement for weekly blog work, several press releases, two e-books and the book.  AND she was going to share my information with her whole network of colleagues who may need my help as well.

I noticed even my job searching felt different this time.  Whereas before I would've been more concerned with what the salary was for a job or where it was located, this time it was about how it felt.  Having always been too concerned about what others thought of me, I would have also just interviewed for (and taken) any job that came my way because I'd think, "People will wonder who I think I am being picky when I don't even have a job!"  But this time, I didn't care.  That was HUGE.  And my instincts were stronger than ever.  Let me clarify that, my instincts a.k.a. the voice of the Holy Spirit within me.  The employment agencies would call me about a job (and this should be a good thing) and my stomach would turn.  Well that's a big ol' red flag.  If your stomach is turning at the thought of even interviewing for a job, you probably don't want the job.  Yet in the past, I would've gone and taken the job and then wondered why I'd flake out after only 6 months or a year.  I never even wanted to be there in the first place.  And you know what?  All of those old habits just didn't fit anymore.  That's not who I am and where I am going.  So I took a deep breath, declined those interviews and kept on plugging.  Being selective about what I even applied to, not running out the door to get some random retail job and most importantly trusting that God would provide to cover my bills.  And provide He did.

He got me through the entire time since Jan. 7th without having to borrow any extra money from anyone or miss any bills.  The day I was let go, I came home to a 401k check in the mail that got me through the first month.  Right when February's bills became due and I was down to literally my last $1, my unemployment was approved and I got a deposit that was retroactive for several weeks.  Just enough to pay all of my bills that were due.  And every single time in between, when I'd get to the bottom of my account and need food or another small expense, I'd get a payment from a freelance job, or like today, another small 401k check that I didn't even know I had.  Do you think these are all coincidences?  It is God providing every step of the way.  And I am so grateful for Him loving me so much.  I am grateful that I finally stopped moving long enough to let Him and I'm excited about where I'm going now.

During this same time, I've had several other "puzzle pieces" fit together... my naturopathic doctor "prescribed" me a book to read that I already owned but had never read.  My therapist suggested a movie that I also already owned and couldn't remember if I ever even had watched.  All the pieces were already there and I just needed to put them together.  Even this job that I just got the other day working as a personal assistant.  The movie that my therapist had suggested?  The Secret.  The movie that is about the law of attraction.  One of the main things this entrepreneur that I'll be working for focuses on?  The art of attraction.  Hmm.  Not to mention that she focuses on healthy eating and recipes, which has become my life lately.  I also just was talking to my mother about how I seem to do better with jobs that don't have a "traditional" structure and that's exactly what I found, a flexible job that's fun and can be worked around my writing.

It's as if all these people and events that have been in my life over the past year were all starting to fit together.  Click.

Do you hear it?

Do you feel it?

That's God trying to move you.  All you have to do is be still, be quiet and be moved.