"Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction." -Mark 5:34 Y'all. I have so much I want to talk about in this post, I wonder if my fingers will be able to keep up. It is CRAZY how much God is doing in my life right now and how it all ties together so perfectly (of course). Where to begin??
So those of you that know me (or at least have read some of my other posts) know that I've been battling with some health issues since 2012. It has been dragging on since then... with some days being better than others. Back in the fall, a procedure I had at my Ob/Gyn's office (because of course, they told me I needed it) caused my adrenal fatigue to get MUCH worse so I got to the point where I was hardly leaving my house every day. I was extremely fatigued and still had GI issues, but I also was getting short of breath VERY easily and having heart palpitations frequently. Basically, it got to the point where even picking something up off the floor or taking a shower exhausted me. Again, I've talked about this before. But now, the new development...
I can't remember if I already mentioned that I have been going to a neuromuscular therapist (NMT) but basically, she does "bodywork" (similar to a massage) with me that focuses on different spots in the body and helps to release all of the pent-up energy that my body is holding on to. So I'd been doing that already for about a month or so and would notice a "spurt" of energy usually after I visited her. But I had a feeling that I needed to also address some "emotional" stuff that I thought might be lingering around because as I learned from all of my research on adrenal fatigue, you can't get better physically if your brain is still triggering you emotionally. So I mentioned it to my NMT (mostly to get her opinion on whether it would be beneficial or not) and she recommended a colleague of hers that wasn't a "traditional" therapist. In fact, her actual title is Occupational Therapist, which meant nothing to me. But anyway, her goal is to not have her clients come see her for the rest of their lives. Instead, she teaches you these techniques you can use (sort of like meditations but there's a LOT more to it) and then sends you on your way! Omg. The very first time I was there, I felt more "tuned in" to what's going on inside my body (both mentally and physically) in a LONG time! So at the same time... I also started seeing a new naturopathic doctor. I had only originally gone to her because I wanted her opinion on the mysterious pain under my left ribs that no one has ever been able to figure out. But she did something with me during our first visit called muscle testing. If you've never heard of it (like me), it's FREAKY. They touch on different points of your body while trying to press down on your outstretched arm with their other hand. If it's a part of your body that is operating okay, they can't move your arm. But if it's a place where you are having issues, your arm will all the sudden drop. I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING. I didn't believe it til I saw it either. So of course, the biggies that came up for me were my adrenals (the right one in particular which I thought was interesting since that's where the "masculine" emotions live!), my liver, my heart and my spleen (which is located around the bottom of your left ribs... hmmm). So without boring you as to what each of these things do, I'll just say that she has me using a machine at her office called a "hothouse"... it looks like a tanning bed but it's actually infrared heat. (A cool side note - she suggested this literally the day after my NMT asked me if I had ever tried infrared heat) It also has a "chi machine" on the end of it where you lay your ankles in it and it shakes you as you lay there. The first time I did it, I got dizzy about halfway through, which she told me was because it moves the lymph fluid through your body and mine obviously hadn't been moving in awhile. Again, cool note - a woman who did a facial for me back in 2012 sensed this (she's not your average esthetician) and mentioned it, along with sensing the anxiety, GI issues and liver problems (before I even knew I had any!). But the best part was when she read off to me the different emotions that are connected to the different organs of the body. This is something that's acknowledged in eastern medicine but of course, mostly ignored here. And interestingly enough... everywhere where I have physical issues, I have an emotional tie too. For example, the heart being associated with unresolved grief (check!), the right adrenal with suppressed anger (check!) and the spleen with rejection (check!). Crazy isn't it?! So between the flower essence that she had me start taking and the first technique the OT taught me, I have been having CRAZY dreams that have spanned the whole spectrum from high school stuff to relationship stuff to family stuff but all things that I obviously didn't know were hanging around! And if that wasn't crazy enough... when I was doing the technique on two particular memories (one from high school and one from a job in 2012) where I felt rejected/isolated/misunderstood (remember where that ties in on the body?), the pain in my left side literally starting moving around and faded in and out in intensity. What?? So I'm still at the beginning stages of all this, but I finally feel like this WILL BE my path to healing and feeling better again!! I am so grateful that God put all 3 (4 if you count the facialist!) of these women in my life and I love the constant confirmation as they all keep mentioning the same things a day or two before the other!
So at the same time that God has me on this path to "clean up" my body physically and emotionally... I'm also downsizing all of my belongings and moving into a tiny house. Coincidence? I think not. ;) As I am "letting go" of all of these old emotions, I am also literally getting rid of a bunch of old stuff! It's a long process of going through everything I own... books, photos, movies, cds, keepsakes, clothes, etc, etc. So what better time to look at old belongings (especially the keepsakes)... process what they meant to me and then let them go! It's like having a clean slate to go along with my clean new body and mind! :) And it even ties in with the convictions I've felt this past year to serve/donate more and to be more responsible about the Earth and how I treat it. I get to donate things I don't really need to someone who does (like the SEVEN bags of clothes and shoes that I gave to a domestic abuse shelter) and my tiny house will be much more sustainable with a composting toilet and low energy bills!
I don't know if all of this just makes sense in my head or if you can see it too... but I love, love, love how God has been doing some major spring cleaning (even if it is a little early) in every area of my life. By the "end" of this, I will be healthy physically, freed up emotionally, almost totally debt-free, free of all the clutter and ready for everything He brings my way (which I have a few ideas about too). It's like a giant jigsaw puzzle that is all starting to click together.
Isn't it crazy how one of the worst years of your life can also be one of the best?
How in the middle of fatigue, grief and anxiety... you can have the most pure moments of sheer joy?
How when you finally are broken down to your very core, that you finally let God step in and start doing what He's been wanting to do all along? ;)
And by crazy, I mean SO FREAKING COOL.